The Fujodanshi Trio's Stalker Van
by Raven-Shinigami
Summary: The Fujodanshi Trio: Japan, Hungary, and Taiwan. There will be a lot of description for their van, as well as just... about how the trio was formed. At the beginning. Then, there will be what everybody's here for: the story. Warning: You just can't escape the head canons. They're everywhere. Oneshot.


**Meh, this didn't turn out as funny as I thought it would be. Well, Rae-Rae just discovered that she cannot write too many happy fics in a short period of time-that just won't work out. Pardon me while I hang my head in shame and drag myself to Crona's emo corner of doom. OTL**

**Anyways, Editor C-san and a few other people have been wanting to see this, so here you go. Even if it sucks.**

**Disclaimer: How many times will I have to say it? If I owned the characters, it definitely wouldn't be on . So suck it.**

**WARNING: Head canons. ****_Everywhere._**

* * *

**Introduction to the (Fujoshi) Stalker Van**

The Stalker Van (AKA Fujoshi Van) belongs to the Fujodanshi Trio (Fujoshi Trio for short). For those of you who don't know who this trio is, the trio's members are Japan, Taiwans, and Hungary. Let's just say they_ really_ want their yaoi.

Let's back up to how the Fujoshi Trio came together in the first place. They were at a world meeting, and after the meeting, Hungary slipped away to look at shounen-ai and yaoi on her laptop computer. Ceiling Japan-I mean _normal_ _Japan_-sensed yaoi (Japan has an uncanny sense for these things, but only when in the near vicinity). He quietly went to check it out and discovered that Hungary was a fujodanshi, just like him. They began talking about yaoi, and Taiwan happened to overhear as she passed by the room. She joined in, and the three of them agreed to meet at Japan's house later. Thus, thus Fujoshi Trio was founded.

However, there was just one problem: the other two couldn't always make it to Japan's house. they realized that they needed a base of operations that could be taken with them, so they decided that they should make one. Japan, Taiwan, and Hungary all pitched in to design their rHQ-on-wheels, then had it built by Japan. And that is how the Fujoshi Van came to be.

The Fujodanshi Trio's stalker van has a radical new set of advanced technologies. Normal vehicles are less than 10% energy efficient-the Fujoshi Van is over 90%. But that's not all; the Stalker Van is also equipped with special radar that will inform the trio of three main thins: shounen-ai, yaoi, and picture worthy events, all before these things actually take place. In addition to this, the van in installed with hidden cameras all around tis outside, allowing for a 360 degree view of the surroundings. The camera feeds are monitored on computers in the back of the van, constantly recording what the cameras see. Also in the back of the van are the trio's ninja outfits, as well as provisions for four to five months.

The Fujoshi Van has one last special feature. A program made by Japan was installed into the van's central programming system, allowing the van to manipulate light waves, rendering the van invisible to the naked eye. This special program also allows the trio's van maximum stealth, causing the van to make absolutely no sound as it drives along. Their van also has the unique ability to not only fly short stretches, but also drive on water. In other words, the Fujoshi Van is equipped with ground-breaking, radical technologies that allow them to carry out their operations with both stealth and efficiency.

Let's just say this: their stalker van is really _The_ Stalker Van.

* * *

"Guys, look! I'm getting something here!" urged Hungary, motioning the other two over the the radar system. The dot that was showing up on the screen was green, which meant that there was a funny picture just _waiting_ to be taken, if only someone were there with a camera. And you could bet the Fujoshi Trio would be there, with not one, but _three_ cameras.

Japan started up the van's engine and off they went, flying over streets, buildings, whole cities even, as they made their way towards the intended destination. When the three of them arrived at the location, they were all suited up in their ninja outfits. Hurriedly, they grabbed their gear, hid the van, and positioned themselves around the currently deserted plaza.

However, it wasn't long before a group of countries appeared, talking animatedly with one another as they walked through the square. The Fujoshi Trio watched as none other than the Bad Touch Trio sauntered around, waiting for a photo opportunity to show itself.

Hungary edged closer to the BTT, listening very closely to catch what they were saying.

"It's a deal!" declared Prussia, laugher in his eyes.

"France, you're really going to do it?" asked Spain dubiously even as Prussia delighted in… whatever bargain the BTT had just struck.

"But of course. I would not bail out on my friends," replied France, only slightly indignant. "I will go do it right now if you'd like."

With Spain and Prussia urging him on, France left the plaza and began walking back towards the Pink Pony. The Fujoshi Trio wasn't far behind as the BTT got in the Pony and began driving away. The fujoshis had no need of their van. After all, they could simply hitch a ride on the roof of the Pony, which would take them _exactly_ where they needed to be. The three lay themselves flat on the roof of the BTT's car, anticipating all kinds of photo opportunities. It didn't matter that the radar hadn't led them directly to the location of the action; this offered the trio a whole host of new opportunities. The BTT _was_ known for stirring up trouble, which often led to funny (and embarrassing) situations. Now, _anything_ could happen. Patience was the key, and with many years of practice, the Fujoshi Trio had plenty of that.

Finally, the Pink Pony came to a halt, and the BTT got out of their car. The Fujoshi Trio, likewise, disembarked, and quickly spot-checked the area. Once the coast was clear, they made their way to their designated positions. Then, all eyes focused on the BTT, they waited with bated breath.

The first strange thing noted was the fact that Spain and Prussia went to hide in a small clump of bushes. These were in plenty of supply, considering they _were_ in a park. But those two were obviously amateurs when it came to stealth (and hiding), especially compared to the Fujoshi Trio (not like any of the other countries even knew about the aforementioned trio).

France ran up to England (who was on police duty-don't ask), yelling, "Angleterre, I am here to report a theft!"

Sighing, England turned to face the oncoming nation. "Really, France? If I didn't know any better, I would say that it was probably just you, Prussia, and Spain who stole something." England raised an eyebrow at France as he continued. "So if it wasn't you and your idiotic friends, then who was it?"

"Hmph. You are on duty, just do you job," France said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fine, you frog. But only because it's my job. Now, what did this person look like?"

"Well, they were wearing a monocle," said France.

England gave France a disbelieving look, but jotted this down on his notepad.

Meanwhile, the Fujoshi Trio had begun to video tape this event, for they had a feeling that the whole situation would turn out to be quite hilarious.

When England looked back up at France, he was startled to see that France was now wearing a monocle. Instead of commenting this, however, he continued, though warily.

"What other features can you remember?"

"The man had a handlebar mustache."

Again, England jotted this down on his notepad. Once again, when he looked up, France was sporting this characteristic. And again, England didn't comment on this. But now, England was feeling _very_ uneasy. What game was France playing at?

"So, were there any other distinguishing features of this person?"

"Yes! They were dressed like a yodeler!" replied France.

This time, England didn't go to write this down. Rather, he kept his eyes on France, watching to see if he would suddenly be wearing a yodeler outfit.

"Aren't you going to write that down?" asked France.

"Just testing something…" England blinked quickly. When he opened his eyes, France was… wearing a yodeler outfit. England began edging away from France, a wary expression on his face.

"And, hum… what… what did they steal?"

At this, France leaned in close to England and whispered almost too quietly for the Fujoshi Trio's video cameras to pick up (but just almost). Their microphones picked up what was said next with surprising clarity, even if it _was _very quiet.

"A kiss." And before England had any time to react, France was kissing England, pulling the shorter country close. For a moment, England simply stood there, eyes wide in surprise. Then, when France went to deepen the kiss, England's brain finally caught up with what was going on and he shoved France away.

"BLOODY WANKER!" he screamed, wiping off his mouth in disgust. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, FROG?!"

"Ohonhonhonhonhon." And France ran the hell away from the furious country.

Needless the say, the Fujoshi Trio was very pleased. Very pleased indeed.

* * *

Later, the Fujoshi Trio was lounging around in their van, drinking soda and discussing their favorite ships. That was one topic that never got stale: ships. Current affairs came and went like transient puffs of smoke, but ships-ships were _forever._ It also helped that the three were always adding to their inventory of pairings. This made for some rather entertaining and engaging conversation.

Eventually, the three of them decided to go get ice cream. After coming to a consensus as to where they would be going, Hungary hopped into the driver's seat and started up the van, She powered up their stealth (invisibility/light-wave bending) shield and employed the van's wings. This having been accomplished, Hungary booted up the lifters, and they had lift-off, racing towards the creamery of choice. After a short ride, Hungary brought them down, landing gently on the road and dropping the invisibility. If it stayed on for too long, especially with the flight, the engines started overheating, and that was never a good thing. The Fujoshi Van drove into the creamery's parking lot and parked alongside the wooden fence. Then, the trio got out of the van, still wearing their ninja outfits. Who knew when the radar would pick up something interesting again? It was always best to be prepared.

Needless the say, this sight drew the attention of many customers at the creamery. Even the employees-who had seen some pretty odd things while working-had to stop and stare. After all, it's not everyday people get to see a stalker van appear out of nowhere with three ninjas riding in it. And then, the three ninjas getting out to do something as normal as ordering ice cream… It was a weird day for so many people.

Once the Fujoshi Trio got their ice cream, they filed back into the van, which then shimmered out of the visible spectrum once again.

* * *

After a couple of hours, the Fujodanshi Trio posted their video on their blog (you know, the France one). It ended up being a big hit with their followers. In fact, the video went viral, and when the other countries found it…

Let's just say that England and France didn't hear the end of _that_ one for a while, and the video became the source of many rounds of arguing from those two. And nobody found out that Japan, Hungary, and Taiwan were the ones behind it all. In fact, none of the countries knew that the Fujoshi Trio even existed.

* * *

**The end, people. And yes, that prank that France pulled on England _is _from The Amazing World of Gumball. I'm sorry, people, but yes, even _I_ watch it. *slowly shakes head at self***

**I only write happy/funny things for a couple of reasons:**

**1. Editor C-san is breathing down my neck**

**2. I'm sure to get some views for these things, right (not true, because currently my ****_HetaOni-The Aftermath_**** has the most views, reviews, favorites, and watches; how did ****_that_**** happen?)**

**3. I get the ideas anyways, but if I try to write happy things for too long, they flop**

**Also, I'm sorry for the bad quality, I was writing in class, and I was sort of paying attention to both my fic ****_and_**** the class, so if there's something that sounds stupid that me or Editor C-san didn't catch... feel free to tell me (if you're fine with me setting an angry chibiRomano on you).**

**Anyways, enjoy. And remember, reviews sustain me. Also, I have another funny fic in the making (the one where the countries put on a play, blah, blah, read the author's note at the end of ****_The Bad Touch Trio's Pink Pony_**** if you want to know about it, 'cause I'm sure as hell not going to re-type and re-post the info on that one).**

**Oh, and I also have several sad/mind-fuckish fics circulating around my head, just ****_waiting_**** to be committed to paper. Or in this case, TextEdit.**

**And I still suck at author's notes.**


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